My name is Janine Johnson.

I am 33 years old.

I am Imperfectly Perfect.

Writing my story has been incredibly difficult. It forced me to remember things that I selectively chose to tuck in the very far and dark places of my memory. I have endured more physical, mental and emotional pain then any one person should have to endure in 3 lifetimes. If I could live my life all over again, I would choose to endure the events of my life as it is my belief that these events have made me the woman who I am. I am mentally and emotionally strong, I value life and every breath that I am blessed to take. I cherish my friends and family and know the importance of telling people that I love them and appreciate them. Most importantly I have amazing faith in God and I know that without him at the center of my life, I would not be alive to write this story, I would not be able to enjoy the blessings of being a Mother and I would not ever have the opportunity to experience reciprocating love. I encourage anyone who can relate to my story in any way to never lose hope in love and life no matter how bad things get. There is so much power in the human spirit and prayer. Find something to hope for and something to hold on to and never ever allow your circumstances to overcome your spirit. Be true to yourself at all times and know that in time, you will get a break- nothing last forever. Not the good and not the bad.

I had always been a very healthy person throughout my childhood, maybe a minor cold or ear infection but never any major illnesses. I entered the military shortly after my 18th birthday, passing all of their medical screenings without any problems at all. I married and gave birth to my son at the age of 22. I did suffer a miscarriage prior to my sons’ birth but was told by doctors that sometimes miscarriages just occur without cause. I later would find out that the miscarriage was actually a symptom of a very serious, potentially fatal genetic blood disorder. I had a very easy pregnancy with the exception of some spotting and placenta previa (the placenta is located at the bottom of the uterus, covering the birth canal.) The placenta did move in my 8th month of pregnancy allowing me to have the blessing of an all natural 5 push 90 min labor. The moment I laid my eyes on my son, I feel in love and for the first time in my life, I felt that someone loved me and needed me. I had never been so happy in my life. I could not wait to show off my greatest blessing to date. I was a proud Mother of a precious baby boy. I would later find out that not only was he my greatest blessing, but it is my belief that the Lord blessed me with my child so that I would always have something to hold onto. I would later fight for my life because of this little boy. God would use this child to pray for me when I had not the strength to pray for myself. This child has laid with me, nurtured me back to health, hugged me, wiped my tears and given me a word when NO ONE ELSE was there for me at my darkest, scariest, and hopeless moments.

My first health crisis occurred when I was 22. My son was 5 months old. I packed up both the children and away my “husband,” my son and my daughter and I were on a vacation to visit with family. We were bringing our newest blessing to his Fathers home state of Missouri to meet his extended family. The same day we had arrived, I had a pain in my back. I Thought nothing of it and assumed that with two small children, 2 car seats, lots of suitcases and a long flight that I had probably pulled a muscle. After about 3 days, the pain had worsened. I was short of breath, I felt very sick but keeping within my normal fashion, I kept it moving with a smile on my face and an intense worry and sadness on my heart. I didn’t want to ruin the vacation nor did I want to take the focus and attention off of my son. On the fifth day of our trip, I was barely able to breath, I tried to pretend that all was ok, but everyone noticed. I was pale and gasping for every breath I could take. I remember going into one of the bedrooms, crouching on the floor trying to catch my breath. I realized something must be wrong, so I decided to go to St. Lukes Hospital in Kansas City Missouri. I was seen immediately as it was very obvious that I was not able to breathe. The doctor visited with me, asked a few questions and diagnosed me with pleurisy (inflammation of the lining around the lung) based off of a recent chest cold that I had a couple weeks prior. He said that he wanted to run a few test but assured me that all was well and an antibiotic was just what the doctor ordered.

I was worried about the children. Up to this point, I had never been away from my son for more than an hour. I asked my “husband” to go back to the house, and I would call him when I was ready to be picked up. No sooner then he left, the doctor returned to the room. He peeked his head in and said “You don’t have a history of blood clots in your family by any chance do you?” I replied “Yes, my father died of one when he was 28 years old.” Within seconds a code was called, there were 10 different people in the room attending to me. They were cutting off my clothing, placing IV’s in my arms, and injecting needles into my stomach. Those needles… they burned so bad. I was so scared and confused. “What is happening I asked over and over. “ The doctor replied “I’m thinking you are a very sick little girl.” Just relax and I will explain more soon. “ They bought a portable CT scanner in the room. Within minutes I heard the doctor say “OH NO! Damn it!” He asked me if I wanted him to call my “husband.” Of course I told him “yes.” He then explained to me what was happening. He diagnosed me with a Pulmonary Embolism (a blood clot in the lung.) What typically happens is that a person will develop a clot in their legs and this clot will travel to the lungs through the veins or arteries. Once in the lung it will lodge itself there, grow bigger-blocking blood flow to the heart causing death or continue onto the brain. If a person survives the clot in the lung, the chances of surviving the clot in the brain are typically slim to none. He asked if I wanted clergy, sent in a social worker to assist with Medical Directives, a Power of Attorney and a Last Will and Testament. He explained the severity of the clot I had, the size of it and how it was preventing sufficient blood flow to my heart.

There was sadness on the doctors face that I had never seen on a person before. He asked about my children, my family, my Mother and if I had any siblings. He suggested that I contact them all and with the most sincere and warmest touch, he placed his hands on the side of my face and he said “I don’t think you will live through the night. You are very sick. You need to contact your family now.” He bought me a phone and left the room. I remember laying there-Alone. What just happened I wondered? I was FINE just a few days ago. I was able to pretend I was fine yesterday. I was in disbelief. I just didn’t know what to think… so I just laid there. My “husband” walked in the room with a look of concern and disbelief as well. His eyes were sad, he was stuttering. He was lost and so was I. We discussed and then completed my Medical Directives - No Life support no resuscitation. Just let my children say goodbye. Because of the nature of his job, we decided that if something were to happen to him and I both, we wanted custody of our Son to be granted to my daughters Mother. I don’t like the term “step daughter.” I am her Mother too, I just didn’t give birth to her. Our desire was that the children would be raised together. Her Mother has become one of my dearest friends over the past 12 years and we had no doubt that she would raise and love our son as her own.

The physical pain that I was experiencing was indescribable. The amount of pain medication that I was taking was more than the normal dosage. I was afraid that if I went to sleep that I would not wake up so I lay there all night, watching my “husband” sleep. Praying, reflecting, thinking… Did I have any regrets over my life? Did I love everyone as much as I could? Did I make a difference in someone’s life? Did I live my best life ever? Did I serve God? Was I an example to others of the love of God, his grace and his Mercy? Did I ever take my family for granted? Was I a good mother, wife, friend ,daughter, Sister, Aunt, etc? Did I have any unfinished business with anyone? The questions went on and on. Some of my answers saddened me. I didn’t live my best life. I was so focused on getting this degree and that degree. I wanted my house to be spic and span at all times. I never had time for people, or to make memories. It was work, study, chores… I focused on money or lack thereof… I was sad by my answers but I knew for sure without a doubt that I was going to heaven.

As the sun rose I remember starring at Edward. He was startled out of his sleep and his expression when he opened his eyes and saw me looking at him was “Ok ok she is still alive.” Its kindda funny when I think about the look on his face now. I told him that I was ok. I told him that I wasn’t going to die… I just knew in my spirit that I was going to be fine. I asked him to get home to the children and come back later. Because I was in ICU and was still having an extremely difficult time breathing, the children were not allowed to visit. I was saddened by this and missed my little boy so much. I was treated with Heparin, which is an anticoagulant given through either injections in the stomach or IV. I was on a lot of pain medicine but I refused a catheter and in my mind that told me that I couldn’t possibly be as sick as they say. (Whatever Worked)

I wound up being in that hospital for 7 weeks. I had several complications, many tests were run, concerns that damage was done to my heart and lungs grew as some of the test results came back. I was diagnosed with Pulmonary Hypertension as a result of the clot. My heartbeat was irregular and I wore a halter monitor 24/7. I was placed in the Heart Unit of the hospital. I met 2 people who lived there at the hospital. They were waiting on heart transplants. They were so sick but so nice. They were both a blessing to me. I think about both of them often. They both eventually received their transplants but one of them later passed. He was young. He and I had an instant connection because he had the same name as my brother. He received his new heart but returned to his old life. Lesson learned from the two of them – Fight for your life and when you win the fight don’t return to the same way of life you had before the fight. This was a lesson that I would later come to realize and implement into my life.

One of the most devastating situations that happened in my marriage started when we lived in Japan. A few days before my 28th birthday, I had the worst headache of my life. I had gone back and forth to the doctor. I was prescribed different types of medicines to relieve the pain but nothing worked. On my 28th birthday, I never arrived to work, never called work and I never took my son to school. A friend of my “husbands” bought flowers and balloons to my job. My co -workers informed him that I was not at work nor had I called which was totally out of character for me. He immediately came to my house to find me in the bed, disoriented. My son was fending for himself at the age of 4. I told him that I was ok and I just needed to rest. He left without much fuss but not before he informed my neighbor and friend of what was happening. She came over a few hours later and took Prince to her house. She begged me to go to the ER but I refused. She said she was going to the store and when she returned she was going to make me go. As I laid there, it is my belief that God put such a strong feeling in my spirit to go to the ER. I drove myself to the ER and was seen immediately. A CAT scan was performed. Before long, my Primary Care doctor was walking into the room… at midnight? This couldn’t be good... He said “You are really sick. You have a massive Dural Sinus Thrombosis, (a blood clot coming out of the brain.) We’ve sent a Red Cross message to your husband. Your condition is grave. Honestly we don’t expect you to make it though the next few hours…

“ WHAT !!! WHAT IS HE SAYING” I REMEMBER THINKING… I HURT SO BAD! The pain in my head was unbearable. I needed everyone and everything to be quiet. I was in and out of consciousness. The pain medicine was making me sick. I remember vomiting several times which made my head hurt even more. I remember a few friends being by my side. I wanted my Mother. I remember using all of the strength that I had to tell my friend my Mothers phone number. I just needed her to be there, to tell me that I was going to be ok. I remember thinking “This is it. My father died when he was 28. I never thought I would live to see my 28th birthday. And here, ironically, on my 28th birthday, I lay on my death bed.” I wanted to die. I hurt everywhere so so bad. When I woke up, I was in a very strange place. I later realized that I was transferred to a Japanese hospital 3 hours from the U.S. Naval Base where I lived. This hospital was better equipped to treat severe cases as my own. No windows, total darkness no television, so quiet… The pain I felt when I opened my eyes was indescribable. I was miserable and prayed for God to take me. As much as I loved my son and family, I could no longer endure such pain. I prayed and prayed for God to end it all for me. He didn’t see fit to let that be. I remember being in such pain but a calm came over me. I laid in complete silence and darkness for 9 days straight. I was neither bored nor was I restless. God granted me a peace and serenity that could only have come from him. My friend came to stay with me for about 5 days. She lay on the couch, day and night for 5 days straight. I felt safe with her there. I knew she wouldn’t let anything harm me. I did not speak to her nor did we communicate more that her asking me several times if I needed anything and me shaking my head no. I am forever grateful for her presence and her friendship. I can never express in words how much her presence meant to me- nor will she EVER understand what an impact she had on my fight to survive.

I had been so out of it, that it took me a few days to even ask about my son and my “husband.” My friend told me that Prince was fine and that he was with my neighbor and that my “husband” would be there sometime today. I continued to pray that God take my life. I hurt so bad, it was impossible to think about anything else. I was in the Japanese hospital for about 3 weeks. I rarely received visits from my “husband.” He said that the hospital was too far and that he had to take care of our son. I never felt so alone in all my life. I was so far away from HOME, no family, no friends, few visitors… AND THE PAIN…! I continued to pray for God to take me. I was losing hope for myself and I was VERY depressed. The Japanese hospital provided an interpreter for me every other day. The Japanese culture requires a male to be present in order for the Doctors to discuss any medical information with the female patient. This was very frustrating for me. My pain was so intense and I did not know if I was getting any better or any worse. They did eventually bring me a television with a VCR and on one of the few visits from my “husband,” he bought me several movies to watch. The nurses seemed to take a very special liking to me. They treated me very well and for that I am so grateful for. Lesson learned- Treat ALL people with kindness- a smile despite my circumstances speaks volumes to people. A smile is a universal language. People will always be able to spot a good, pure, and genuine heart.

I was then transferred back to the American hospital where I stayed for another 3 weeks. I remember having so many flowers in my room. They were beautiful. My friends were always visiting. My pain was intense but bearable. The doctors were explaining the damage to my brain and left eye. They explained that I had excessive pressure on my brain and that the blood clot was still present but getting smaller. I started to gain strength and began eating soups. I saw my precious boy and he was the reason I started to fight for my happiness and mental and physical health. Someone bought him to visit with me daily. I looked forward to his visits. No longer was I praying for the Lord to take me. Instead my prayers turned to prayers of Thanksgiving and healing. I was eventually discharged. Still very weak but I was going home and for that I was so grateful. Lesson learned – The loving care of people can turn any situation around. Love is what can make a person fight for whatever it is that they need or want. It was the love of my friends and mainly my son- my love for them and him, and their love for me that made me fight. LOVE- A SACRED EMOTION, A POWERFUL TOOL - “…Your heart is the wellspring of LIFE.” Proverbs 4:23

I went to follow up with my doctor a few days after discharge. He informed me that I was no longer eligible to remain overseas and that I would have to return to the states. He said that my health was too much of a liability for the government and that the American hospital on base was not equipped to handle my medical condition. He said that my son and I would have to return to the states once I was strong enough to travel but my “husband” would have to fulfill his military obligations and remain in Japan.

Everything happened very fast. Before I knew it, I was saying goodbye to my friends and was living back in the states. I purchased a home with the hope and prayer that we could finally be a family and live a normal life. I obtained my old job and was awaiting my furniture delivery from Japan. I had been in my new beautiful dream home for 29 days. I woke up in the middle of the night with a pain in my side. I squeezed the area that hurt and felt a pop, and then I began to sweat. The pain was intense. I remember thinking “Oh no. Something is very wrong.” I called a family member who lived very close. He was at my house before the ambulance arrived. I called the ambulance but my pain was so severe that I could not get out of the bed. I was sweating so much and felt faint. My little boy lay in the bed next to me… I remember looking at him. He was sleeping so peacefully. I put my face to his face, I was crying and so scared and the pain was increasing by the second. I touched his face and kissed him. I knew I had to get out of the bed to open the door. I didn’t want the fire department to break the door down. I crawled to the steps leading to the front door. It seemed so far. By the time, my family member was banging on the door. I was stuck at the top of the steps. In so much pain… I slid down the stairs screaming with each bump. My clothing was soaked with sweat. I opened the door and my family member was in a panic as soon as he saw me. The ambulance arrived, took my vitals and asked me questions that I just couldn’t answers. I just remember crying and screaming “it hurts it hurts so bad.” I heard my family member telling them what he knew of my medical history. They looked through my purse, saw the medications that I was taking and said they suspected some type of bleed. At this point, I was bleeding from every orifice I had. I was so scared, I was panicking. Not again, what is happening, I cannot endure anymore, my son needs me… were all thoughts flying through my mind.

I arrived in the ER via ambulance. I was pumped full of morphine which caused me to have a severe reaction. My body went into shock. I aspirated on my vomit. I was unconscious and woke up to a nurse rubbing my sternum. I was so cold, in so much pain and so afraid. By this time all of HIS family were at the ER. I heard the doctor say that my blood was too thin from the Coumadin (blood thinner) and that I had a cyst on my kidney that ruptured. I was bleeding internally into my stomach and out of my orifices. I received a blood transfusion to include plasma. I was in critical condition and would be in ICU for the next few days at the very least. Since the need for me to be off blood thinners was essential for recovering this was the perfect opportunity for the doctors to place an IVC filter in me. The IVC( Inferior Vena Cava Filter) was placed in the large vein of my abdomen that returns blood from the lower body to the heart. The IVC filter would prevent and “catch” any blood clots that had developed in my legs from traveling to my heart or brain. I was so weak and I hurt so bad. I remember talking to my sister in law. I was crying and I told her “I can’t do this anymore… I’m tired, and I’m alone. I hurt everywhere… I am tired Karen… no more I don’t want this anymore…” She was crying as well. She said that I had to keep fighting. She said that my son needed me. She said that my Brother was on his way to me and that everything was going to be ok. She just kept telling me to hold on and think about my son. Despite the circumstances and length of time that has passed, her words still resonate in my ears. I can still hear her tone… so genuine, so desperate… what she said and HOW she said it truly made me change my mindset. GAME ON… ITS TIME TO FIGHT AGAIN!” Lesson learned- Holding on to what I cherish the most is what gave me the motivation to keep fighting. The knowledge that my Brother-my best friend was coming to be by my side, the voices of my Niece, Nephew and Sister in law, my amazing faith in God and the faces of my children changed my attitude and gave me my hope and my mindset to FIGHT!

Finally, I was released from the hospital. In pain BUT grateful to be out and on my way home. I would soon realize that I had another battle to fight- this one even greater then the ones I had already won. The pain medicine I was prescribed allowed me to be mobile and to function on a semi normal level however, It didn’t take me long to realize that the pain pills not only helped my physical pain, but I realized that the also numbed my feelings. My heart no longer ached. My spirit was no longer heavy. I felt neither happiness nor did I feel sadness. I was just existing. At my worst, I was taking anywhere between 25-30 Hydrocodone 10/600 daily. Due to my physical condition my refills were never limited. My consumption of these pills was never monitored nor was it questioned. Finally, I found a way to cope with all my emotions and feelings. NUMB was the word. I needed the pills to get out of bed. I needed the pills to go to work. I needed the pills to function. Instead of the sedative feeling that I used to get when I first started taking the medication as prescribed, I experienced a sense of euphoria. I could do it all. I was almost like super Mom. The house was spotless, the kid was spotless, the car was spotless but I was full of mess… inside that is. But these amazing pills made even that appear to be clean. I found my miracle… or so I thought.
After about 2 years of this, I weighed about 107 lbs. I looked and felt horrible. Every breath and every step I took required huge efforts on my part. I felt as though I was neglecting my child. All I wanted to do was lay around, isolate and had such a depressed state of mind but I felt no pain. No physical pain and no emotional pain.

Once the realization of what I was not only doing to myself but also my son set it, I knew I had to get off of the pills. I stopped cold turkey. I was so sick for about 10 days. The first 5 were the worst. I stayed in the Jacuzzi often as the water was very soothing to me. My legs ached and jerked, I had severe diarrhea, I was incredibly weak. I did not go to work for days. Transporting my son back and forth to school was a chore but I did so because at least I knew he was being attended to. I had never felt so alone in my life. I could not tell a single soul what I was doing, or what a mess I had made of my life. I remember wondering how or why no one noticed my addiction. In my mind, it confirmed the lack of care and concern anyone in the world had for me.

I read blogs about hydrocodone addiction. The stories people wrote gave me strength and hope. They prepared me for what withdrawal symptoms to be aware of. I took the advice of some bloggers, ate plenty of bananas and tried my best to stay hydrated. Anything that I consumed went through me. I was in and out of the bathroom constantly. After about 7 days of hell, the withdrawal symptoms started to subside. I was still very weak but definitely able to get around better and I found the motivation to return to work.
At that time, I had consumed my last pill on November 10. By November 24, I was totally free from the pills. My physical pain was at a minimum. The physical withdrawal symptoms had almost subsided but the emotional and mental dependence on these pills was only beginning to show itself. I started to realize that I had been numb for the past 2 years. I had so many emotions, issues and situations to sort out. I didn’t know where to begin.

My faith had increased a hundred fold having gone through such an ordeal with the withdrawals. My depression was at an all time high. I contemplated suicide many times… but knew that God would not forgive me for that and I knew that my son needed me and for those two reasons only, I did not ever attempt to take my life. I wondered if the thought alone was just as bad… I remembered praying for mercy. Praying and crying for hours. The physical, mental and emotional withdrawals were far worse then anyone on those blogs could have ever put into words. I truly believe that the Lord kept me during that time. I believe that the Lord answered every prayer that I prayed and caught every tear that I cried.

In April of 2009, I had returned to working out. It helped me to remain pill free. I was eating healthy and on a very strict diet. I felt great physically. I woke up one morning with a very familiar pain in my leg. I did my best to ignore it, told myself that I was feeling great- it was a pulled muscle and so I continued on with my normal routine. As the morning progressed, I pain worsened. Between the hours of 5 AM and 7 AM, what felt like the pain of a pulled muscle quickly turned into the very obvious pain of a blood clot. I remember thinking, “NOT AGAIN LORD! PLEASE not AGAIN! As I dropped my son off to school, I was in pain and limping. 45 minutes later as I tried to get out of my car at work, the pain was starting to become unbearable. The swelling in my leg became visibly noticeable through my pants. By 9 AM I was in such severe pain and I could feel it worsening by the minute literally.

My job was about 45 minutes from my home. Because of my pride and me being me, I drove myself home. Most people would’ve gone straight to the hospital, but all I could think of was my son. I remember calling my brother in New York as I drove from my job in Kansas to my home in Missouri. I cried because the pain was so terrible and of course the pain was coming from the right leg- my driving leg. I went throughout my house, screaming with every step that I took. I had to make sure that everything was cleaned up. I put a load of clothes in the wash. I packed Prince a bag, and I packed my own bag. Everything had a place and every place had a thing. (How crazy was this?)

Finally I was ready to leave for the hospital. I cried out to God to help me. My pain was one of the worse I had ever experienced. At this point, I hardly had use of my leg at all. I had to place it on and off the gas with my hands. Luckily the hospital was only a 5 minute drive from my house but it was the longest 5 minutes of my life. I screamed in pain the whole way. My whole body was shaking. When I arrived at the hospital I pulled right in front of the ER entrance. I had to roll out of the car and crawl on the ground towards the ER entrance door. The nurses quickly came to me with a wheelchair. I was taken to the back immediately.

I could barely gather myself enough to talk. I just kept screaming “it hurts so bad O my God. Help me PLEASE.” The doctor looked at my leg, asked me if I had a history of blood clots. I shouted “yes yes yes” over and over. “PLEASE HELP ME!” They gave me large doses of morphine intravenously. I felt some relief at first but not enough. They administered more and more to me. I remember vomiting and the next thing I knew I was waking up in a private hospital room. Apparently, I had called my best friend from the hospital numerous times. I had left my cell phone in my car, the security guard had to move my car as I had left it running In front of the ER entrance. When I woke up she was sitting there very concerned. I was in and out of consciousness the rest of the day. I remember the doctor explaining that I had a very large clot in my Popiteal artery. He said they were going to do their best to break it up.

I woke up again to a family member screaming my name and screaming for a nurse. He was shaking me and screaming and crying. I looked down at my gown and there was blood everywhere. I had blood in my hair. Some of it was dried, some of it still warm. The doctors went through my carotid artery in an attempt to break the clot in my leg up, but due to the tremendous amount of anticoagulants that I was taking, my blood was incredibly thin… there was not enough pressure applied to the carotid artery after the procedure and so I was bleeding out now. I lost a lot of blood and had to receive another blood transfusion. And the attempt to break the clot up was unsuccessful.

At this point, although I was still very drugged, my family and friends convinced me to request a transfer to a larger more qualified facility equipped with the doctors and resources to help me better. I was transferred to a larger hospital… ironically was back in the same hospital room that I had the last time I was hospitalized. My spirit was broken. My heart ached. I was tired, mentally emotionally and physically. This time, my Sister came to be with me and when she left my Brother came and when he left, my “husband” returned. Again, he offered very little emotional support for me. Eventually after 3 weeks, I returned home. Lesson learned… at this point I can honestly say I was so desperately desperate, depressed and simply DONE that I was not able or capable mentally or emotionally to reflect on a lesson learned. I couldn’t even pray… But I remained grateful to the Lord and knew it was him who kept me.

Its been over 3 years since my last major clot or hospitalization for clots. My health is fair today. I refuse to live in worry any longer. I used to worry about what the day would bring. Would today be the day that I develop a clot that kills me? I am so tired of asking that question. So I live life to its fullest. I am in constant search of peace of mind and spirit. I do not deal with anything negative. I am emotionally and mentally healthy for the most part. I have developed a new condition in which I get ulcers that are deep and large and very slow to heal on my legs. I have terrible scars on my legs that have left me too insecure to wear shorts or skirts. Because of my battle with these ulcers for the past 13 months I am in a constant battle with my addiction to pain pills. I either allow myself to suffer the pain out of fear of falling back into my addiction, or I give into my addiction and then out of pure disgust for myself, I flush the pills down the toilet. The very worse thing for anyone addicted to anything is to actually need the very drug that you are addicted to, to improve your quality of life and decrease your pain. Most times, the fear of losing to my addiction leaves me in severe pain, without pain medicine. I refuse to succumb to a drug. It won’t happen. I have set new goals for myself and do my best to focus on them. My effort to reach these goals, helps me to remain clean.

As I reflect on the past 13 years and all that has happened I do so with an amazing faith in God and in the Human Spirit. Without a doubt I know that I am blessed beyond measure. The Lord has given me a peace and joy deep down in my spirit that I can never put into words. I love life, I LOVE MY LIFE! I love the people who are in my life. I have learned to just smile and take life as it comes. Very rarely do I get stressed and very few people have the ability to frustrate me. I see the world through such different lenses because I know that it could always be worse- in fact it has been worse for me. I’ve learned that perception is key to any and every situation. I know the Lord will never give me more then I can bare and I know, no matter how good or bad the situation is, IT TOO SHALL PASS! Nothing is forever, not the good and not the bad. I know that with prayer, faith and an action plan, I can conquer any goal I set before me.

The Bible says “All things work for the good to those who love the Lord.” I encourage you to seek God – you will find him. Find a scripture and hold on to it. His word will never come back void. Be Well, Be Blessed, Bless others even if all you have is a smile and a kind word. Be true to yourself and Love others as you want to be love. No matter who abuses that love, pray that the Lord restore your heart so that you don’t carry that burden and potentially miss out on the opportunity to be loved. Like an ATM machine, what you deposit into the world is exactly what you will receive.

I’ve endured my illness for almost ten years now. I’ve done so with the Lord by my side, and although NO ONE could ever give me the same peace that the Lord blesses me with, it would have been nice… and still would be nice to have someone else in my life whom could relate to my feelings and validate what may seem to be irrational thoughts and feelings to someone who has not endured such illness and crises. I do believe that the Lord places us in situations so that we can be a blessing to others.

• < Prev
• Next >