My name is Ricardo Fernandes, 28 years old, and I am Imperfectly Perfect.

When I was younger about 6 years old I had dark circles around my eyes to the point where it basically looked like I had permanent black eyes. I went to eye doctor, skin doctor, regular doctor, specialists and NOBODY knew what was wrong with me.

At school, I was the joke. I was called many names like Ricky Raccoon punching bag. At first I joked it off like it didn’t bother me, but after a while words do really hurt. If things weren’t bad enough, I had child protected services called to my house by my teachers. My parents were so shocked and sad that they couldn’t do anything to help. They saw that I was hurting, and I’m sure being a parent you hurt even more seeing your child in that position. All that put together my childhood was really difficult.

Everything changed when I went through puberty, because voila; the dark circles disappeared. All of a sudden, I become a normal teenager. The teasing stopped, and I was able to live a normal life. At first it took me a while to lose my shyness but I made new friends and starting making new relationships. But with all teasing still fresh in my mind I learned that nobody should be teased for bring different. They may look different on the outside, but perfect on the inside.

I finished high school, started college and put it in my head that I would start new and create a new image for my life. Starting new is never easy, but it’s definitely worth the change in the end.

I met this girl Celia in the restaurant I worked at and I fell in love with her. We dated for about 5 years until I asked her to marry me. She said yes and we started talking about many stories of growing old together and still making out in the car like we did back then.

Unfortunately, she got into a car accident before being a fully legal citizen of this country. Luckily, nobody was hurt, but the cops saw she was illegal and deported her back to her country. She was taken to jail to be processed for deportation. When I got the call that day I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I was holding the phone to my ear and listening but I was frozen still and have no reaction. In the following weeks before she got deported I went to visit her and we talked about the possibilities of us staying together.

She told me she loved me and wanted to be with me, so I went against my parents, family, and friends and left EVRYTHING behind to go be with her.
I was also technically still illegal in the United States, after having lived 17 years in New York, I found hard to believe I was still illegal. I guess all those lawyers that took money for the green card application took our money and did nothing. Knowing this I decided to leave before the same thing happened to me and doing this I would be banned from re-entering for 5 years. I took this great risk, as the price for love.

We left the United States, and decided to start our new life in Switzerland. I went to Switzerland alone at first, so I could get a job, and establish a life for her to move into. This was very hard for me because I was alone in a foreign country, and had turned my back on everyone. I didn’t speak French, so I couldn’t communicate with anyone which made me feel even more alone.

I finally found a job as a dishwasher in a crappy restaurant. With my crappy job, I was able to get a crappy studio. Even through the struggles, I told her that with love, we can make everything happen. Couple months passed and her being in Estonia ( her home town), she then told me that she didn’t know how much she missed being home and how she couldn’t leave her home and family again.

A few days later, I received a package. She MAILED me the engagement ring, and sent me some stupid e-mail breaking up with me. She basically said she was SORRY for making me leave everything behind for her. That was the second time in my life that I get unbelievable news that froze me up leaving with a reaction less face. Not believing what I was reading, I guess I have read that mail a million times to try and find a joke or mistake somewhere. Unfortunately I didn’t and it was true.

So here I was, alone in a new country not speaking the language, earning minimum wage and living in a small studio with no furniture and no family would talk to me after what I did. I thought about committing suicide MANY times, just jumping out my window and ending it all. I suffered from very serious depression with no medicine or anyone to talk to. I was out of answers and wanted to kill myself. I cried every night. Yes, I am not afraid to admit that I cried! Times like these are when you see just how strong you really are. Whether you know it or not deep down inside there is someone yelling that wants to fight for the better. Sometimes some voices are louder than others. Basically you just have to be in a quiet place and just listen. I found myself in a very dark place at that time on my life, not eating, not sleeping, and just having these bad thoughts of ending it all.

All of a sudden I start getting phone calls from friends and family, all showing me their support and love. Shortly after my parents called, this to me was the bright light at the end of the tunnel. I learned that bad things happen all the time, some more severe than others. And we as normal human beings naturally go into this place that we shell ourselves from the world and be alone. That is the worst thing we can do. We might think that nobody could ever understand what were going through, but trust me they probably have gone through the same or probably worse. The key to getting over my depression was just talking about it to people who care.

It has been 5 years now since that happened. I pulled myself out of hell. I reconciled with my parents. I feel as if I walked through hell, met the devil, and spit in his face because he was NOT going to have my soul! I didn’t give up and because of my strength, I have accomplished so much. But trust me when I say it’s not easy and it won’t happen overnight, but the end result it definitely worth it. I now have a great job, I am a manager for a five star hotel, I have a great apartment, a great new car, and I can look in the mirror, and see a smile!

Going through this I learned that I can do anything in my life. If we can overcome something like this, just think of the possibilities of the goals we can achieve. I am proud of myself and nothing can stop me from this day on.

My name is Ricardo Fernandes, and I speak for everyone who has ever felt alone, by saying that we are Imperfectly Perfect.