My name is Brooke Jonas.

I'm 21 years old.

I am Imperfectly Perfect.

Growing up I was a healthy, normal child. I had a mother, a father, and a brother. I was healthy, happy, athletic, and always positive. When I was a young teenager I was impulsive and for that I suffer. One June afternoon I chose to get in the car of a new driver, he had his license for 6 days. We were all laughing and having fun, that was until he totaled his car by driving 70 miles per hour into the car in front him at a red light he had not noticed while looking at his iPod. After this event my life was never the same.

I spent the summer going into my Junior year too afraid to leave my house. I couldn't go outside, I couldn't go to the store, I couldn't get in the car, and I couldn't have a social life. I sequestered myself to feel safe. When the first day of my junior year started everything hit me at once. I couldn't breathe, think, talk, or function like the person I used to be. I felt trapped, scared, alone, and vulnerable. My heart was beating out of my chest, I thought I was going to vomit, my hands shook, my head was spinning. I used to be outgoing, proud, and social; here I was stuck inside my own body unable to communicate my feelings and fears. After this experience it was determined I should be home schooled and was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder coupled with severe anxiety and panic attacks. It took a while, but slowly I worked my way out of my house, despite my panic attacks and PTSD; I was not going to let it slow me down.

That summer I was going to challenge myself. I trusted one of my friends to drive me to go to a mall, a place that was crowded and on the top of my anxiety chart, but I was going to try it anyway. I wanted to be ready to try to go to school again. Unfortunately, that morning as we left the house we were hit by a car. Everything flashed before my eyes, and unlike in the other car accident, everything inside of me hurt.

After going to the hospital, no one could figure out what was wrong with me, I had no broken bones, no bleeding, just pain. They told me to file through insurance and try to get on my feet...but I couldn't. Every move within my body hurt. I didn't want to get out of bed and more than that, I couldn't. I went to neurologists; they said nothing was wrong with me and that the jumping muscles in my legs were "interesting and never seen before". I went to physical therapists; they told me to stop wasting my money because they clearly couldn't help me. Even my General Physician told me that he "gave up on me". They thought it was all in my head, and a part of me started to wonder if it was too. But I knew this wasn't me. I never had this whole body pain, memory issues, complete fatigue, intestine and jaw pains, muscle soreness and jumping before. My fingers hurt, my toes hurt, my head hurt, my whole body had seemed to have given up on me and I was starting to give up on it too.

Although I had all the physical pain, the emotional pain was the worst. Everyone thought I was crazy, that it was in my head, and that it was part of my anxiety issues. I knew what I was feeling and I knew it was real and that I couldn't give up, that was the easy way out Even if doctors were willing to give up on me, I had to have faith in myself.

One day I decided to try a local chiropractor, Dr. Charles Fiscella, someone my mother had gone to for little aches and pains. After examining me and my symptoms he suggested something to me that I had never heard of before: Fibromyalgia, a rheumatic condition that usually affects adult women over the age of 30.

When I went home, I looked up all the symptoms and I literally had experienced around 50 of the 59 of them almost every day! And it scared me. The next day I made an appointment with Schneider's Children's Hospital and was going to get screened. After about 4 minutes, it was made official: Brooke Jonas has Fibromyalgia. Good luck on you own!

Starting College was really hard for me, I had been out of social settings for 2 years being home schooled. I had panic attacks and pain every day. I lost almost 20 pounds and was only weighing in at 85 Pounds. I had trouble telling my friends, or even making them. I hated it, myself, and my disorder. But I woke up, I tried, and I never gave up.

It's been 4 years now, and I still live with all these symptoms. I holistically heal myself to the best of my ability with supplements, stretching, and diet changes. And since little to nothing is known about Fibromyalgia I realize that it will be a struggle. But now I know I'm not alone and more importantly, I'm not crazy. I’m just one of the 5% of American's, struggling with a disability that no one can see, and often times, one that no one can believe.

All we can do, no matter what our disability or struggle is, is to push through it. Times will be hard and often you may want to quit, but you can never give up on yourself or your body. I know that the only cure to living with these issues, or any for that matter, is finding inner peace and strength and loving yourself for who you are.

I can thank Fibromyalgia for teaching me that I am a strong young woman and that I can handle whatever the world throws at me. There are times when I fall down in pain, but I will always get up. I am a strong and I will always fight hard.

I speak for everyone suffering with fibromyalgia, Panic Disorder, or PTSD:
We are beautiful.
We are fragile.
We are sensitive.
We are Imperfectly Perfect.

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